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Miscellaneous Lawyer Jokes

How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only three. The rest are true stories.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

What did the lawyer name his daughter?

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your Honor.

What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea Clinton.

What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.

What does a lawyer use for birth-control?
His personality.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Removable wing tips

What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

Why does California have the most lawyers in the country and New Jersey have the most toxic waste sites?
New Jersey got first choice