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Hollywood Squares - Excellent Quotes


If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

True or false, George...experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.?
George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of 'em.

True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes...

You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but she still won't go up to your apartment.

According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"?
George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the next apartment.

As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter...and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!

According to Zsa Zsa, does black look sexy on a woman?
Redd Foxx: I wouldn't have it any other way...

What are "dual purpose" cattle good for that other cattle aren't?
Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies ... but I don't recommend the cookies!

If you find someone lying unconscious in the street, should you do anything?
George Goebel: I'd probably crawl around him, I guess.

Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!

In bowling, what's a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Can boys join the camp fire girls?
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army!

Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?
Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!

While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What's that mean?
George Goebel: Cattle crossing.

It is the most abused and neglected part of your body-what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!

Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcee.

Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?
Paul Lynde: He's out of town.

Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie "What's The Matter With Helen?" Who plays Helen?
Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver - that's why they asked the question.

Which stays pregnant longer? Your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it?
Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.

Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.

Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water.

Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?
Joan Rivers: Yes. It's daddy's turn.