HOME
RIP-Factor Useful Information
<< PREV NEXT >>

WARNING: May Contain Adult Content. Parents are Cautioned

November 11, 2004


JOHN KERRY SAVED THE UNIVERSE!

After quickly injuring himself more than three times, he was promptly removed from Vietnam for more "important" tasks. Unknown to the American public at this time, the Evil Space-Boogers were planning attacks on the planet Crackhore. Armed with thier chopping implements, snorting devices, and thingies they use to tie their arms off, the Evil Space-Boogers seemed unstoppable. But they did not know about Earth's secret weapon... John Kerry - He who was both for and against war. Dreaded by his fellow citizens, whom he called his comrades, Kerry was not one to triffle with. Armed only with subterfuge and a bitchin' beaurocracy, Kerry was asked by the Tri-lateral Commission to personally deal with the Evil Space-Boogers.

Using the spaceship the United States recovered at Roswell, John Kerry set out to confuse the hell out of the Space-Boogers from the planet Crackhore. Unfortunately, John Kerry's space guidance system was designed by Microsoft(tm) and performed an illegal exception shortly after take-off. Hurdling John Kerry thousands of Kelicams, I mean Kilometers or some other wacked out ungodly measuring unit, making him Lost In Space. Flying aimlessly for billions of wacked out European measuring units, Kerry was able to ponder the fine art of Euclidian Math and Healthcare reform. And now, he was truly Lost In Space and totally Spaced Out.

Fortunately, Kerry ran into Doctor Smith who was also Lost In Space. Smith was a techinician and a skilled pathological liar also, I mean as well. Smith repaired Kerry's spaceship. After correctly figuring out all of the Microsoft(tm) InterView Questions, Smith caused a fatal system crash. After formatting his spaceship and re-installing everything, except DirectX8(tm), Kerry was back on his way. Before departing Doctor Smith, Smith reminded Kerry of the importance of allowing Gay Mirage, I mean Marriage. Who didn't see that one coming - Smith Gay - No Way. After One last Quickie, Kerry was OFF! AND SO WAS DOCTOR SMITH. I Mean Kerry was on his way, and Doctor Smith went back to that little boy (Was he a Catholic Priest).

John Kerry finally encountered the Evil Space-Boogers. And ate them.

THE END.