Mike Golden Spoofs
WRITTEN BY: Mike Golden
INTRO BY: joesmaname
The Doomsday Machine
"Captain, are you trying to look up
my skirt?"
"Uh, no, I'm not. Not to change the subject but, how about we go out sometime?" "You men are pigs. Just because a woman doesn't wear underwear, you think she's easy."
"Oh, captain. Could you come here
for a moment? I need you."
"Jim, you can do better than her."
"You know, there's something different about Lt. Uhura but I can't quite put my finger on it."
"Captain, a disabled ship dead ahead."
"Scan for hitchhikers. Someone may need our help."
"Mr. Spock, I hope we aren't about to put our lives in jeopardy again." "Mmmmmaybe." "My wife is going to kill me for putting a dent in the ship!"
"Decker, get ahold of yourself."
"I was talking to a friend on the phone and something just shot out in front of me. I swerved and wrecked." "Captain, shall we use our jumper cables or his?" "That's it! That's what ran out in front of me!"
"Call the Humane Society and see if they'll send someone out to pick it
"Commodore, we have State Farm on line one. Do you want to talk to them now?" "Damn, the labels on these buttons are written in Japanese or something."
"I think we can get it ourselves." "You can't be serious. That thing
could have rabies."
"Captain, we're getting a wee lonely down here."
"I'll be right down." "Mr. Spock, the cheesy special
effects aren't doing any good."
"Okay, so I fell asleep on the job. Is that any reason to stick this thing in my ear?"
"Decker, let the Humane Society deal with it." "One of these days they're going to have to put more toilets on these ships." "I'm going out for a magazine and some cigarettes. Be right back."
"Oh, no! It's going to get me!" "Maybe if it thinks I'm a mailman it'll chase me."
"To think I gave up a job gutting fish for this." "This idea looked good on paper." "That thing ate the other ship and died. Looks like we saved the universe again."
"Gives you a warm fuzzy, doesn't it?"