RIP-Factor
StarCrap
RIP-Factor
Mike Golden Spoofs
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WRITTEN BY: Mike Golden
TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE: Karl Stahmer
INTRO BY: joesmaname
Elaan of Troyus
"Well, here we are trapped in this elevator. Now, what?" "We should be alright as long as nobody. . . ."
::Frrrrrrrt::
"And you say if I become a homosexual, my Starfleet insurance premiums will decrease?"
"Yes."
****And now, the starting lineup for the 2363 Miami Broncos. "Behold, the Dohlman of Elas." "Excuse me. Those don't talk. I'm up here."
"Captain, I just learned something I must take back to my planet. Here, let me show you. Pull my finger." "For the love of God, man! Do something about that cowlick."
"Captain, do you think Lt. Uhura is listening to us now?" "Cap'n, thar be aliens here and
they're touching me stuff."
"And this, lassie, is where we control our engines."
"I wish I was a silver leaf right now."
"Security, send two men to Deck 5."
"Alrighty. Would you like fries with that?"
***Just look at it and think about it
for a second.
"Is he dead?"
"Damn it, I'm a starship captain not a doctor!"
::BURP:: "I love to watch you drink wine." "But, you've got to learn manners or I'll leave and not let you look at my pretty face again."
"Don't shut me out, pumpkin. I'll be lonely without you." "Okay." "What are you wearing?"
"My mom says girls have cooties." "It's first and ten with thirty seconds left on the clock." "Are you trying to look down my dress?"
"Certainly not. I'm a gentleman."
"Mmfrmrflmm?"
"Mmhmm."
"Jim, back home in Georgia we have what we call a pass around."
"I think that would be quite logical, captain."
"Scotty, for no apparent reason, give the engines the once over."
"Aye, captain. Captain, what the devil is that thumping sound?"
"Mr. Sulu, pull my finger." "Cap'n, somebody put a tuning fork in the warp drive." "Well, uh, you see, uh, what I mean is, uh, well, uh, we were wondering if you'd have sex with us."
"Arr, Enterprise! Stand to and prepare to be boarded. Lest we bare our cannons to ye." "Shoot or be shot, Enterprise." "So, Mr. Spock. Ever do any fishing?"
"Joojoojoojoojoojoo! Nrrrrrrrrrrr! Joojoojoojoojoojoo!"
"Mr. Chekov, this is no time to pretend you're a World War II fighter pilot."
"Well, we killed some more Klingons. The end of a perfect day." "And no one is paying attention to a single word I'm saying."