Mike Golden Spoofs
WRITTEN BY: Mike Golden
INTRO BY: joesmaname
The Empath
"Where is everybody. No, brass band, no ticker tape parade, no beautiful blondes with hot fondu." "This cookie is, at least, a month old."
"Jim, is it oatmeal?"
"Bor-ing! Let's watch Fear Factor."
"Finally, I get to make snow angels." "Might as well listen to some jams."
Welcome to my nightmare. I think you're gonna like it.
I think you're gonna feel you belong.
"Careful. She looks dangerous." "Jim, I'd better examine her."
"No, Bones. As captain, I shouldn't ask any of my men to do something
I'm not willing to do myself."
"She can't speak and tell us her name. What do we call her?"
"I've always been kind of partial to Spot."
"How's it going, eh?"
I like to dream yes, yes, right between my sound machine
On a cloud of sound I drift in the night
Any place it goes is right
Goes far, flies near, to the stars away from here.
"I think Spot likes you, Jim."
"Think I can get her to sniff my crotch?"
"Bones, she's hurt."
"Dare you to touch it."
"Eewwww!" "Come on, Spot. Let's go some place more private."
"This doesn't look good." "McCoy." "Spock."
"Hey, now! Wait a cotton-pickin' minute!" "I am so out of here." "Heheheh This is cool. Heheheh"
"Huhuhuh Yeah, cool. Huhuhuh"
"Now, to do my Tarzan yell and cause a herd of elephants to stampede through." "Just hang loose for a minute, captain."
"You are so funny sometimes."
"May I go to the bathroom?"
"He has a nice bod, eh?"
"Yeah, I bet he could keep us both warm, eh?"
"Ah! Never mind." ::hhhhhh!::
"Okay, Spot. Play dead. That's a good girl. Now, sit up."
"You want me to do what?" "I don't know what kind of kinky stuff y'all are into but, I have to tell
you, I'm good friends with Laura Goodwin."
"Don't treat me, Jim. You'll discover my terrible secret."
"I bet you're fun at parties." "Gotta go. Curling finals are coming on."
"Take care, eh?"
"But, most of all, I missed Mr. Scott."
"Ah, ya making me blush."