RIP-Factor
StarCrap
RIP-Factor
Mike Golden Spoofs
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WRITTEN BY: Mike Golden
TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE: Karl Stahmer
INTRO BY: joesmaname
The Mark of Gideon
"Highly unusual for the captain to go down alone." "They must have liked my dashing good looks." "Hey, where is everybody?"
"Dear God! I must be in the Twilight Zone again."
"It isn't my birthday so that rules out
a surprise party. Hmm, as long as no one's around, I've always wanted to
go through Yeoman Rand's underwear drawer."
"We have no idea where your captain is, Mr. Spock. Now, if you'll excuse me, we have to rehearse our tumbling act for our circus performance tonight." "You don't recognize me? I'm the sexual tension that gets locked up in here with you wearing clothes that remind you of women's underwear."
"Sorry. It's been awhile since a woman and myself have been locked up."
"Oh, you poor thing." "We still can't find the captain." "Did you try the linen closet. Sometimes my chief of staff hides in there."
"There goes the theory that bald men are sexy." "We're on the Enterprise and we're not on the Enterprise." "You want to run that by me again?"
"Mmm, smooth as a baby's bottom." "You want me to do, what?" "Kiss me."
"EEEEK!" "All those mindless, drooling humanoids staring blankly at their video monitor screens. It's hideous!"
"I think I'm going to faint." "The ratings for this new reality TV show are through the roof. I wonder if we can shanghai another Starfleet captain for next week's episode." "For a little thing, you're kind of heavy."
"Congratulations, captain. You won
the challenge."
"I'm flattered that you want me to star on your TV show but, trust me, I'm no actor." "Oh, no you don't. I'm not falling for that phoney fainting spell twice."
"Captain, you go to great lengths just for a sweet piece of ass." "If you are calling to place an order, press 1. If you are calling for more information, press 2." "Now, we can be together forever and ever."
"Or, at least, until next week."
"Ladies and gentlemen, we at Desilu Studios would like to take this opportunity to apologize for this episode. It is clear that TV is going to Hell in a handbasket. Hold on to the good stuff as long as you can."