Mike Golden Spoofs
WRITTEN BY: Mike Golden
INTRO BY: joesmaname
"If the captain wasn't so cheap he'd buy a REAL bug zapper." "Alright! Who farted?" "Ack! ::cough cough:: Gak!"
"Scotty, call Starfleet Command and tell them to send us three more security officers." "I don't know if you've been told yet but you people need to get a life." "What happened?"
"I smelled sulfur just before the attack."
"It sucked out all his red blood cells."
"And now he's going to die."
"Do you have to talk like that right in front of me?"
"You got here fast."
"I was already on my way. You lose men so regular, Starfleet Command sets its calendar by it."
"They're dead, sir."
"Whatever it was, it was silent but deadly." "So, now I have to have these meetings by myself?" "Captain, I dunno if I wantcha on the bridge. For the sake of the crew, of course."
"Don't worry. I won't ask anybody to pull my finger. I've had complaints they were getting stale, anyhow."
"Please, sir."
"I didn't want to fly this dumb, ole ship, anyway." "You wanted to see us, sir?" "I really need somebody to. . . . Oh, never mind."
"There it goes." "Captain, it's travelling faster than light." "No effect. I forgot. Methane won't burn without oxygen."
"It's attacking!" "Chili Night will never be the same." "It's gone. So is the sulfur smell."
"Attention all hands. This is the captain. If anyone smells even a hint
of sulfur, run screaming for your lives."
"Quite frankly, doctor, I find the
whole situation very ironic."
"There's alot of interference, Scotty. Let me move the antigrav unit a little."
"Captain, it is illogical for you to be there now since ANY matter, even the air, would cause that antimatter to explode." "Spock, don't point out the plot holes. That's an order." "Shoo! Stinky!"
"Ah, fresh air." "I just had an idea for something new to do on a Saturday night."
The End?