Mike Golden Spoofs
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|WRITTEN BY: Mike Golden
TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE: Karl Stahmer
INTRO BY: joesmaname
|"Pull over. I need to make a pitstop."||"Welcome."
"We said we needed a PITstop not a SHORTstop."
|"Doctor, it hurts when I raise my leg."|
|"Well, in God's name, don't do that."||"Hey, Philana, why don't you and I go somewhere private. Oh, baby, I'll do you so good. Mmm!"||"Check it out. Alexander thinks he can make it with Philana."
"I don't know. If she grabbed him by the ankles. . . ."
|"If you must know, I'm mixing a martini. My hands aren't as steady as they used to be."||"Just great! We have to share quarters with the midget."||"Aye, now there's a nice pair of breasts."
"Down in front."
|"Say, jack! Just because I'm wearing
a dress doesn't mean I'll do anyhthing like that. Pervert!"
|"Mr. Scott, you're not looking at my private collection of porno, are you?"||"No, captain. I wouldna do that."|
|"The lunatic is on the grass.
The lunatic is on the grass.
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs.
Got to keep the loonies on the path.
The lunatic is in the hall.
The lunatics are in my hall.
The paper holds their folded faces to the floor
and everyday the paperboy brings more.
And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
and if there is no room upon the hill
and if your head explodes with dark forebodings, too
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.
The lunatic is in my head.
The lunatic is in my head.
You raise the blade, you make the change,
you rearrange me 'til I'm sane.
You lock the door and throw away the key
and there's someone in my head but it's not me.
And if the cloud bursts thunder in your ear,
you shout but no one seems to hear.
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes,
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon."
|"Now, do a country version."||"I WILL NOT! I am an artist."||"Have it your way. No Grammy for you this year."|
|"Please, accept these gifts from ancient Earth and don't ask how we got them even though we've never been there."||"27, 28, 29. . . ."||"Now, for some entertainment."|
|"Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk."||"Break it down, Mr. Spock."|
|"Minster Sponck, nyou have gum on your nshoe."||"No matter what you make me do, you'll never take away my dignity."||"Okay, this might do it."|
|"You enjoyed that a little too much."||"Listen, I have a plan. Tonight when everyone is asleep, I sneak out and go find James West and Artemus Gordon."|
|"Alexander, they are merely fictional characters on a TV show."||"So? What's your point?"||"Little ones like yourselves. They grow."|
|"Since we can't get HBO, we need your help."||"Mr. Spock, I've been a very naughty girl. I need a good spanking."||"I want to make love to you all night long."|
|::snore::||"Okay, wench. Beg for it."||"Give it to me, captain. I need it bad."|
|"I don't know if I can with all these people watching."||"That makes it more exciting."||"Okay."|
|::CENSORED::||"Captain, that will be quite enough."|
|"Sorry, I got caught up in the moment."||"Your eyes are getting sleepy, sleepy."||"Isn't this just typical? Two megapowers go at it and the little guy gets caught in the middle."|
|"Captain, you win. You may go."||"Scotty, throw a couple of pillows on the floor of my quarters. I'm bringing a guest."|