Mike Golden Spoofs
WRITTEN BY: Mike Golden
INTRO BY: joesmaname
The Trouble with Tribbles
"And you say that if we convert to communism, the working class will be equal to the bourgeoisie?" "Yes, of course. Hee hee hee hee." "Sounds tempting."
"Get your own damn intraspacial dilator, honkey!" "Plastic model dead ahead." "This is Federation Under secretary in Charge of Agricultural Affairs Nilz Baris."
"Do I smell the stench of bourgeois bureaucracy?" "Myrtle, when you get the time, tell Chekov and Uhura to beam down. This plot's in trouble." "I think it was Peter the Great that said, "all the vorld's a stage."
"That was Shakespeare you stupid Russki."
"Wow! You pet this little patch of hair and it purrs." "You like that, do you?" "On occasion. Just to spice things up."
"And that's the way it was. Now,
stand by for the weather."
"Geez! I'm trying to take a crap. Can't I have any privacy? Damn that George Bush!" "Koloth, you look vaguely familiar."
"I am NOT the Squire of Gothos!
Why do you humans keep saying that?"
"You make me laugh, Kirk. Inside. Where it counts." "Wo! Somebody's cat is having a bad hair day."
"Let's see. I'll have the Jumbo
Burger and fries and Mr. Spock wants the fun meal."
"That's odd, laddy. There aren't any Klingons with head ridges in here." "Sorry, lady, I thought you were a guy."
"But, you are so sexy." "Ah! It's the drink that makes you think." "Poor baby. Did I hit a tender spot?"
"No, sir. May I have another?" "He's mine, understand?" "Hmm, it would appear these tribbles are multiplying."
"Do something about these unwanted offspring."
"Me? What do I look like to you? I'm a doctor not a capitalist welfare state?"
"We are overrun with tribbles. What possible benefit could they be to anyone?" "What benefit? Oh the wonderful thing about Tribbles, is Tribbles are wonderful things. Their tops are made out of fuzzies, their bottoms are made out of things. They're fluffy, squeeky, cute and neat, and fun fun fun fun fun.... oh the wonderful wonderful thing about Tribbles is there's never only one."
"Waiter, there's a hair in my coffee." "Scotty, why are you bringing them into the mess hall?"
"Oh, no particular reason, captain."
"The weatherman said heavy showers today but this is ridiculous."
"You know, they do kind of feel good wiggling around down there." "Would you like fries with that?" "Captain, I finally figured it out. Just stop feeding them."
"Stroke of genius, Bones."
"Wanna buy a duck?" "Then Spock dropped his pants right there and mooned everybody."
"That did not happen, captain."