Mike Golden Spoofs
WRITTEN BY: Mike Golden
INTRO BY: joesmaname
A Private Little War
"Hey, check it out! There are two chicks down there sunbathing." "Captain, I'll be finished dumping this toxic waste in a few minutes." "Great. I just finished dumping some of my own behind a bush. Really wish we still had paper."
"I wish I hadn't lost my binoculars." "Come listen to my story about a man named Jed." "Well, Mr. Spock, I guess it's a good thing you were bent over at the time. From now on, leave the mooning to me."
"That's NOT what I was doing, doctor."
"I told you never to call me here." "Blast, woman! There be no 'pooh bear' here. Are ya sure you have the right number?" "Well, Jim, I don't think anybody saw us beam down."
"Bones, just out of curiosity, would you look under my foot and see what I'm standing in?"
"It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater." "Oh, baby! You are so good!" "Stop it, Jim! That's not natural!"
"Beam us up. The captain tried to get his groove on with one of the locals."
"Please deposit 25 credits for the next three minutes."
"Hey, you! Come here and pull my finger!" "How are you feeling, Jim?"
"Rmf, murfl mmhm urf."
"Let me nibble on your ear." "Can I nibble on the other one?" "Oh, yes! His chest feels as smooth as a baby's bottom."
"Tyree, bring me a cigarette." "Would you be interested in a
manage troi?"
"I'm listening."
"Quick! Come around here and pull my finger."
"No, I'm not a woman pretending to
be a man."
"Right. And I don't dress in women's clothing." "I always wanted to do Treasure Island."
::SNORE:: "My God, Scotty!"
"I know, lass. Just stay away from him."
"Jim, have you swallowed that medicine I gave you yet?"
"Mmhmm." "Hot dog! Wer havin' 'possum stew tonight." "Give me some of that wild monkey."
"That's not what I meant." "Stop! Today you use a rock as a weapon but what about tomorrow?" "Mr. Scott, please explain to me again how a stripper on the bridge will improve crew performance."