Mike Golden Spoofs
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|WRITTEN BY: Mike Golden
TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE: Karl Stahmer
INTRO BY: joesmaname
|The Tholian Web
|"It's the Flying Dutchman of outer space."
"Sounds like a bad 1950s scifi flick."
|"Why, oh, why did I have that third bowl of chili?"||"Looks as though they killed each other."
"Look how they're laying. Maybe they were lovers."
|"I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. My nose itches."||"I canna bring you all back at once, cap'n. The Duracells have completely discharged."||"Cossak! You killed my brother Piotr."|
|"Sleep."||"Thanks to Mr. Sulu's Shao Lin training we have averted disaster."||"That's either a Tholian ship or the biggest suppository I've ever seen."|
|"Guess who's coming to dinner."||"My regular shampoo just doesn't have what it takes to give my hair the bounce and shine it needs."||"I pulled out a booger that looked like that once."|
|****Three hours later.||****Eight hours later still.
"Oh, my. How will we ever escape?"
|"We are gathered here today to pay tribute to our lost captain. If anyone has to go to the restroom, a seat filler will take your place until you return."|
|"Don't worry, Uhura. I know some ancient asian sex techniques that will help you with your grief."||"Well, he's not going to be needing this now. I know he always wanted me to have it."||"Bones, Spock, if you're watching this it means I'm dead. Or lost or in a coma or maybe I finally got my head together and said, "to Hell" with the whole thing and found myself a nice, quiet planet somewhere."|
|"Uhura!"||"Oh, my God! It's the lamest Hollywood cliché. The black person sees the ghost."||"Hey, Uhura. Come here."|
|"You don't think much of me, do you?"||"Is that what I think it is?"
"He's trying to say something."
|"Don't eat yellow snow."|
|"I hope he forgets about that twenty bucks I owe him."||"Cap'n, I just saw the cap'n and I'm feeling very conflicted."|
|"You're alright, Uhura. We saw the captain, too. And your pap smear turned out fine."||"Spock, throw me a lifesaver."
"We're all out. I have some Jolly Ranchers, though."
|"It was amazing. The only thing missing was a green chick."|