Mike Golden Spoofs
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|WRITTEN BY: Mike Golden
TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE: Karl Stahmer
INTRO BY: joesmaname
|A Wolf in the Fold
|"Scotty, are you enjoying yourself?"||"No, captain. I'm enjoying her dancing. But, check back with me later."|
|"There's more to me than meets the eyes."
"Oh, I like the sound o' that."
|"I think I saw them duck down this alley."||"Captain, can ya come back in about ten minutes? We're kind of busy right now."|
|"What killed her, Bones?"
"Offhand, I'd say it was a severe case of mortis cumiculi."
|"You may be interested to know that the young 'lady' was actually a sweet transvestite from Transexual Transylvannia."
|"She even fooled me a few times.
Can you imagine that?"
|"The autopsy showed the lady was killed by a knife in the back. The same knife you were found holding. Did you kill her?"
"I thought you said the knife killed her."
|"Hello, I am Prefect. I mean, perfect."||"He is, also, dyslexic."||"This is my tame. I mean, my mate."|
|"Interesting novel. I hope Tek Wars: Book II is just as good."||"Jim, I have an idea. Let's put Scotty in a room alone with another beautiful woman and see if he kills again."
"Sounds like a plan."
|"She's dead, Jim. And a rat stole my cheese."|
|"I wish I had my phaser. I'd stun the little bastard."||"I'm just walking by, Scotty. No reason to get excited. I don't believe for a second that you're capable of hurting anybody."||"Allah be praised. I did not kill them. I am just a poor merchant."|
|"Well, it wasn't me! I could no more kill those women than Mr. Hengist could sleep with them."||"Heheheheh, this show is cool! Heheheheh."
"Huhuhuhuh. Yeah, cool. Huhuhuhuh."
|"Eaney meany, chili beany. The spirits are about to speak."|
|"They really don't like being disturbed."||::Frrrrt::||"Computer, are you functioning normally?"
"All signs point to 'yes'."
|"Could I have another cup of coffee, sir?"||"Hmm. Mr. Scott never asks for another cup of MY coffee."||"Well, I had just finished work."
"Excuse me. That doesn't talk. I'm up here."
|"Maybe what you should do is pull
|"I am innocent. You must believe me. I am just a poor merchant, effendi."||"And you expect us to believe that?"|
|"I'm warning you. You'd better pull
|"You'd. . . better. . . pull. . . my. . . finger."||"Mr. Hengist just dropped to the floor. Spock, block his vision while Bones goes through his pockets."|
|"Is he dead?"||"Under new AMA guidelines, I can't make a determination until I see $75."||"Captain, I think there is a limit even to modern medical science."|
|"Look alive, people. My hamster is missing."||"Captain, I think I know where your hamster is."||"Stand back or I'll kill her like I did the others."|
|"He obviously doesn't know what to do with a woman."||"I'll teach him."||"I guess I'll have to clean up after this one, too."|