Mike Golden Spoofs
WRITTEN BY: Mike Golden
INTRO BY: joesmaname
A Wolf in the Fold
"Scotty, are you enjoying yourself?" "No, captain. I'm enjoying her dancing. But, check back with me later."
"There's more to me than meets the eyes."
"Oh, I like the sound o' that."
"I think I saw them duck down this alley." "Captain, can ya come back in about ten minutes? We're kind of busy right now."
"What killed her, Bones?"
"Offhand, I'd say it was a severe case of mortis cumiculi."
"You may be interested to know that the young 'lady' was actually a sweet transvestite from Transexual Transylvannia."
"Ha ha!"
"She even fooled me a few times.
Can you imagine that?"
"The autopsy showed the lady was killed by a knife in the back. The same knife you were found holding. Did you kill her?"
"I thought you said the knife killed her."
"Hello, I am Prefect. I mean, perfect." "He is, also, dyslexic." "This is my tame. I mean, my mate."
"Interesting novel. I hope Tek Wars: Book II is just as good." "Jim, I have an idea. Let's put Scotty in a room alone with another beautiful woman and see if he kills again."
"Sounds like a plan."
"She's dead, Jim. And a rat stole my cheese."
"I wish I had my phaser. I'd stun the little bastard." "I'm just walking by, Scotty. No reason to get excited. I don't believe for a second that you're capable of hurting anybody." "Allah be praised. I did not kill them. I am just a poor merchant."
"Well, it wasn't me! I could no more kill those women than Mr. Hengist could sleep with them." "Heheheheh, this show is cool! Heheheheh."
"Huhuhuhuh. Yeah, cool. Huhuhuhuh."
"Eaney meany, chili beany. The spirits are about to speak."
"They really don't like being disturbed." ::Frrrrt:: "Computer, are you functioning normally?"
"All signs point to 'yes'."
"Could I have another cup of coffee, sir?" "Hmm. Mr. Scott never asks for another cup of MY coffee." "Well, I had just finished work."
"Excuse me. That doesn't talk. I'm up here."
"Maybe what you should do is pull
my finger."
"I am innocent. You must believe me. I am just a poor merchant, effendi." "And you expect us to believe that?"
"I'm warning you. You'd better pull
my finger."
"You'd. . . better. . . pull. . . my. . . finger." "Mr. Hengist just dropped to the floor. Spock, block his vision while Bones goes through his pockets."
"Is he dead?" "Under new AMA guidelines, I can't make a determination until I see $75." "Captain, I think there is a limit even to modern medical science."
"Look alive, people. My hamster is missing." "Captain, I think I know where your hamster is." "Stand back or I'll kill her like I did the others."
"He obviously doesn't know what to do with a woman." "I'll teach him." "I guess I'll have to clean up after this one, too."