Mike Golden Spoofs
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|WRITTEN BY: Mike Golden
TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE: Karl Stahmer
INTRO BY: joesmaname
|The Lights of Zetar
|"I'd love to take you up on your offer, Scotty, but you're wearing a red shirt. I'm looking for a man in a nice gold shirt."||"I won't be a red shirt forever. I have dreams."||::Ahem::|
|"Good morning, James."||"Could somebody please adjust the contrast on the forward screen? Thank you."|
|"Bones, what's wrong with her?"
"Well, Jim, she's going through the change."
|"Nurse Chapel, bring me 10 CCs of estrogen concentrate. Stat."||"Doctor, why was that last probe so warm? And what was the purpose of it wiggling?"|
|"Captain, we're being surrounded by Klingon and Romulan ships. Whole squads each."
"Evasive maneuvers, Mr. Sulu."
|"This Sega video game sure beats the real thing."||"I just dropped in to see how you were doing. Are we alone?"|
|"Funny how they all died facing the same way."
"Maybe they were watching one of your old movies."
|"In here!"||"Bones, you have alot to learn about show business. The line is he/she is dead, Jim. You can't very well say that if they're alive, can you?"|
|"Hello? Hello? Speak up. The connection is terrible."||"Here come the Moon men. Look out for their green cheese ray."||"I know I'm just a red shirt but I still love you."
"That gives me a feeling I've rarely had before. I think it's called nausea."
|"Oh, girl. I want to hold ya and love ya."||"My God, Scotty! You are SO good."||"Happens everytime."|
|"We're here to discuss, Lt. Romaine. Let us begin."||"I know what you're thinking. I'm going through the change so, now, I'm all used up."||"This is a recording of Miss Romaine's biorhythms."|
|"Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day.
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way."
|"Catchy tune. I give it a 93."||"But, I thought there would be, at least, one more chorus."|
|"Oh, God! Not now!"||"Hot flash."||"Bones, you've got to do something. I want to do her."|
|"Maybe if we put her in the decompression chamber that'll help."||"She seems alright now. Calm and relaxed. Is there room in there for me?"|
|"Careful, cap'n. I dunno how much she can stand."
"I'll give her all she's got, Scotty."
|"He's on top of her."||"She's looking right happy now."|
|"All she needed was to have sex with
a man in power just once to make her life seem worthwhile."
|"Interesting. I must record this in my di. . . ,I mean, my logs."|