Mike Golden Spoofs
WRITTEN BY: Mike Golden
INTRO BY: joesmaname
The Lights of Zetar
"I'd love to take you up on your offer, Scotty, but you're wearing a red shirt. I'm looking for a man in a nice gold shirt." "I won't be a red shirt forever. I have dreams." ::Ahem::
"Good morning, James." "Could somebody please adjust the contrast on the forward screen? Thank you."
"Bones, what's wrong with her?"
"Well, Jim, she's going through the change."
"Nurse Chapel, bring me 10 CCs of estrogen concentrate. Stat." "Doctor, why was that last probe so warm? And what was the purpose of it wiggling?"
"Captain, we're being surrounded by Klingon and Romulan ships. Whole squads each."
"Evasive maneuvers, Mr. Sulu."
"This Sega video game sure beats the real thing." "I just dropped in to see how you were doing. Are we alone?"
"Funny how they all died facing the same way."
"Maybe they were watching one of your old movies."
"In here!" "Bones, you have alot to learn about show business. The line is he/she is dead, Jim. You can't very well say that if they're alive, can you?"
"Hello? Hello? Speak up. The connection is terrible." "Here come the Moon men. Look out for their green cheese ray." "I know I'm just a red shirt but I still love you."
"That gives me a feeling I've rarely had before. I think it's called nausea."
"Oh, girl. I want to hold ya and love ya." "My God, Scotty! You are SO good." "Happens everytime."
"We're here to discuss, Lt. Romaine. Let us begin." "I know what you're thinking. I'm going through the change so, now, I'm all used up." "This is a recording of Miss Romaine's biorhythms."
"Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day.
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
"Catchy tune. I give it a 93." "But, I thought there would be, at least, one more chorus."
"Oh, God! Not now!" "Hot flash." "Bones, you've got to do something. I want to do her."
"Maybe if we put her in the decompression chamber that'll help." "She seems alright now. Calm and relaxed. Is there room in there for me?"
"Careful, cap'n. I dunno how much she can stand."
"I'll give her all she's got, Scotty."
"He's on top of her." "She's looking right happy now."
"All she needed was to have sex with
a man in power just once to make her life seem worthwhile."
"Interesting. I must record this in my di. . . ,I mean, my logs."